In 2008, I was in church one Sunday, thoroughly enjoying service.
I don’t remember what the sermon was about. I do remember being so greatly moved by the message that Sunday that I got into the prayer line when the offer was extended by my then pastor. There I stood, a little embarrassed and uncomfortable as always while in line. Even though I had no idea what I would ask for when my turn came to speak to the pastor for prayer, I stayed put. For some reason, I just had to get something off my chest that day.
Finally, my time came to speak with my pastor. He asked me what could he do for me. I opened my mouth, still drawing a blank of what it was I wanted and needed. I opened my mouth and blurted out the first words that came to me:
“I want… to be a blessing to as many people as possible,” I told him.
My pastor looked at with an expression that can only be described as stunned. Frankly, so was I.
My pastor said once that God honors a genuine prayer. He certainly honored mine, though, in typical Godly fashion, it was not in the way I expected Him to. I didn’t know what to expect once that prayer of mine was out in the open. I had no idea the responsibility of what I’d just asked for. I was a very different person back then. Even though I’d grown up in the church and loved it, I wasn’t perfect. I was a chronic pot-head whose anxiety was so bad, I carried wine with me almost everywhere I went just to loosen my inhibitions. I had no idea how or if my prayer would be answered. Truth be told, as the years went by, I forgot all about that day and continued on with my wild(ish) lifestyle.
I spent my days stressing over my living arrangements, my job, and my personal life. I was living with my family and was the only one with a working car, so we all had to share mine. I worked in the complaint department at a call center, which wasn’t too bad, but I was dissatisfied with it and wanted something different. And it was during that time, my anxiety and depression were at its worst. I’d purchased an Anxiety and Depression Program around that time after seeing it advertised on an infomercial, but at the time, the box containing the program was serving me well as a nice decorative, corner piece in my room, collecting dust.
And my nights… My evenings consisted of being away from home as much as possible. I loved clubs and parties because it gave me an excuse to drink my wine and dance the night away with the few friends I had left.
A little while, maybe a few months after that day in church, I began to break out—badly. It just came from nowhere. I’d always had a problem with acne, especially in my teens, but it calmed down a lot once I graduated from high school, and even disappeared completely when I was on Ortho Evra (a hormonal birth control patch) during my 2nd or 3rd year in college. But I’d been off the patch for maybe two years at the point when I began breaking out again. I correctly assumed it was because by then, the hormones from the patch had wreaked havoc on my system, causing my own hormones to go haywire.
It was also around this time, I had breast issues There was some kind of growth on my “nippular” area of my right breast. Like an eyelid that’s turned inside out, the growth was similar. It was as if the tissue on the inside of the nipple had inverted. The area secreted fluid and often crusted over. And of course, it hurt. I ended up having the growth removed, but I never learned what it was nor what had caused it, though I always suspected the patch had something to do with it, too.
It was around this time I began to slow down my lifestyle a little bit and start to really dive head-first into natural healing. I’d always had a passion for holistic health, even at a very young age, but it wasn’t until that time when I REALLY began to pursue it and educate myself on the things that ailed me, especially my acne. No home remedy I tried worked, no amount of eating healthy was making a dent in clearing my skin. It became really embarrassing for me because everyone who knew me knew I was the “the girl who eats healthy.” The girl who could often be seen eating salads with no salad dressings, because salad dressings were gloppy substances that were full of chemicals, and I didn’t know how to make my own salad dressings yet. The girl who ordered salads at Wendy’s for lunch. The girl whose face was still full of pimples, despite all the healthy things she was doing.
One desperate day after crying in the mirror, and making up my mind that no matter what, I was going to find a real, natural cure for my acne, I found an acne program that really seemed to speak to me. I ordered the program and followed the steps in the program, and it worked! After following just a few of the steps in the program, my face cleared up marvelously. My family, friends, and co-workers marveled at my skin, and I felt so good! This was exactly what I needed to feel good about myself again.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t ready to let go of some of my bad lifestyle habits. I went back to eating however I wanted to eat, especially when I smoked, which I wasn’t giving up easily. My anxiety levels were through the roof, and weed only made it worse. I hated my job and had no real direction in my life. Of course, I broke out again, and this time, no amount of following my acne program helped get my skin clear.
Then on top of that, I kept having Candida flare-ups. Yeast infection, on top of yeast infection, they just would not stay away. Fast forward 3 or 4 years, and I was STILL dealing with the same issues, except now, I had Bacteria Vaginosis to contend with!
It was pure hell.
I was super stressed. Unable to get my health under control, yet unwilling to let marijuana go, I knew I needed a change. I’d stopped carrying around my wine years ago when I realized I was starting to become dependent on it, so at least that was some progress. I was doing the best I could with my physical health, but I knew my spiritual and emotional health needed attention too. So, I turned to school. Nursing school, to be exact. I could not–WOULD not continue to work in jobs I hated and stressed me out so badly. I needed more. I needed to be needed. I not only needed to heal myself, but I knew I needed to help heal others. It was a calling I could no longer deny.
As life would have it, two years into the nursing program, I couldn’t take it anymore. My anxiety and depression had reached epic levels, my skin looked worse than ever, I physically felt horrible ALL THE TIME, and I was just utterly miserable. My father passed away a few weeks before classes began for me, and it was heartbreaking. What was so crazy was that I was almost more miserable in nursing school than I was when he died! I felt like I was spiritually dying every day in school, and no one understood. Everyone kept telling me to keep going, stick it out, but I knew something was wrong. I knew I was a helper and healer, so why was I so broken? Why was I so sick? Why was my skin worse than ever, my emotions all over the place, and why was I so utterly unhappy with my life? It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
And why was my belly getting bigger and more abnormal-looking, and hard and firm when I touched it?
I couldn’t take it anymore. Once the spring semester of my second year in nursing school was over, I left. I knew in my heart it wasn’t for me. And I knew I made the right decision.
In order to help others heal, I had to first heal myself. So, I went to the doctor to see what was going on with me.
I was diagnosed with Bacterial Vaginosis, but that day, I also discovered I had a much bigger issue than any of the others I’d encountered so far.
Uterine Fibroids.
Tumors in my uterus? Oh, this would not do. They HAD to go.
That moment at the doctor’s office, my health priority changed from addressing my acne, to addressing my fibroids. I knew when I addressed those, the acne would follow. I gave up the weed. I began to work on my consistency with my dietary habits. I began to practice slowing down, in ALL the ways, because I realized just how much my anxiety was contributing to my already overwhelmed hormonal system.
To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement at best. I was nearly defeated. Then, out the blue, I remembered my prayer in church that Sunday.
“To be a blessing to as many people as I possibly can,” I’d said.
What if the prayer I’d prayed years ago was trying to manifest? It certainly made sense to me. I’ve weathered so many storms from anxiety and depression to acne, breast issues, grief, candida, life crisis, bacterial vaginosis, and now fibroids. There absolutely HAD to be some purpose in it all. When I prayed to bless others, I honestly didn’t know what I was asking for. I didn’t have a clue how I was going to bless others. Never did I imagine I’d have to go through so many health problems in order to help others who struggle with the same issues.
And that’s why this blog exists. This blog is for all you women who are struggling and need answers, or simply Someone. You may need help from someone who went through the things you or your loved ones are going through, and who are overcoming them. You may need a place to go where you can feel safe to ask some of your questions. Struggling to discover your true passion and purpose in life and pursue it. And also for those of you who are struggling to find healing, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I’ve been through so much, but it was all for a purpose. God has brought me through so much, and he’ll do the same for you!
I didn’t quit. I’m never quitting. Even when people told me to quit, even when I wanted to quit, I didn’t. Don’t you quit on yourself either. Everything you think is possible for yourself, whether it’s healing, or just plain empowerment, absolutely IS!
I’m here to help.
So, let’s do this winning at life thing–together.
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