There comes a time when we all grow from our childhood–a time where all or most of our decisions were made for us, into adulthood–the time where we gain the legal right to make our own decisions for ourselves.
This is something we all have probably looked forward to in our lives at one time or another. Finally, we’re our own person! We get to decide what’s best for us, the careers we want, how we want to live, who we wanna be. It’s such a heady realization! You don’t realize as a kid that freedom comes with a price: life. And life can throw you some major curve balls that you’re not always prepared for. Life doesn’t always turn out the way you planned.
So, here you are as an adult with the freedom to choose your own path in life. But what if you don’t know exactly which path to choose right away? This is acceptable when you’re fresh out of high school, but what if it’s ten-or even 15-years later and you’re still trying to make the right choice for yourself?
Let’s say you’ve done everything by the book in life. You graduated from high school, rocked college–several times over even, but find you can’t get a job with any of your richly-deserved and expensive degrees once college is over. Or perhaps you did land that job or career you always saw yourself doing, but after working it for a while, you find it to be unfulfilling and not at all what you thought it was going to be. What then? And what if you always thought you knew what you wanted to do in life while you were younger, but as an adult you realize you’re not really cut out for.
This was certainly the case for me. All of the above, minus the college degrees. When I was a teenager there was no doubt in my mind what I wanted: to go into the medical field. Health and Wellness was always one of my favorite subjects in school, and I was born with a compassionate, empathetic nature. I was a perfect fit. And then there were the other important things to consider such as job security, health benefits, and a retirement plan, all of which would be covered with my career choice. It was perfect. I graduated high school with honors and headed into the world with a bright future ahead of me.
Enter Life. As life would have it, my career in medicine didn’t work out for me. I really believed I wanted a career in nursing, but it took nearly a decade for me to realize and admit to myself I really didn’t. Not really.
Oh, I liked being needed. And I loved the thought of helping people get better. But what I really loved was being seen as a competent professional. And who receives more respect and awe than a nurse? Ok, a doctor, but you get what I’m saying. In the past, I’d dream about the money of being a nurse, but the prestige that came with it was more enticing than anything. It took a long time for me to admit that to myself. That it was the wrong things that originally attracted me to the career of nursing. I loved how everyone looked at me and treated me when I was wearing my nursing school uniform. I adored how my family and friends treated me when I was in school. I had everyone’s approval. Everyone made me feel like I was doing the right thing in life. And I felt really special. Everywhere I went in my uniform, that’s how people treated me. Like I was some kind of heroine. And it was really, really hard to give that up.
But living for others’ approval made me sad. I was becoming more and more physically ill, and utterly miserable. My father passed away a few weeks before my very first nursing class started, and I can’t believe I felt this way, but I was almost more miserable in school than I was when he died. That raised a serious red flag. Everyone told me it was just the way nursing school was when I expressed how I was feeling. No student actually enjoyed it, and everyone wanted to die a thousand deaths while going through it, but it would be totally worth it in the end. I just needed to hang in there. No matter how much I tried to convey my unhappiness to the people in my life, no one with the exception of one or two people really understood. No one understood why I was having serious thought towards leaving nursing school. I barely understood it. How could I let go of something I’d been chasing for over ten years? I’d spent so much time chasing nursing, I didn’t even know what it was I really wanted to do with my life.
Finally, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I let go of nursing school and firmly decided I wasn’t going back.
It was hard. When I decided to follow my heart, I endured silent and verbal censure, and astonishment from everyone. I knew I would lose the admiration of people when I left nursing, and for a while I did. People looked at me differently. The awe and admiration were gone. I was forced to tell people who asked that I simply I didn’t know what God had for me at the time & had to endure the incredulous looks.
I only knew two things: writing and healing. During that time, I was under so much stress and emotional yuck, that one of my major ways of escaping was by journaling. I was gravitating back towards writing, which was something I’d left in my childhood. I also started to look after myself. I was in pursuit of my own holistic healing because I was sick at the time. I always thought of myself as a healthy person, but I found out I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids during my annual check up months after leaving nursing school. I also had a bad case of adult acne, bacteria vaginosis, irritable bowel, and I’d struggled with anxiety and depression for years before that.
That was such a low point in my life. While seeking healing for my body and spirit, without meaning to, it turned into me teaching others how to heal from ailments I’d been through (and some ailments I didn’t have, but had knowledge on). Little by little, people caught on to what I was doing, and started to reach out to me for help, when all I ever wanted was my own health restored, and a life I was excited about living. And bit by bit I did begin to feel excited about life again.
Once I got over my hostile attitude about everything, I eventually admitted to myself that I needed what nursing school had to offer. Just because I finally came to grips with the fact that it wasn’t what I really wanted for my life did not make that chapter in my life a failure. It was the direct opposite. It was truly a much-needed learning experience. At the time it gave me something to focus on. A goal to achieve. I needed that then, and looking back, nursing wasn’t such a terrible thing to focus on. Sure, my philosophy may differ from a lot of the practices of traditional medicine, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t learn valuable information while I was there.
But I know I made the right decision for myself. It led me back to writing. I used to write all the time as a kid, but I never thought I could do anything with it. Now, I get to live out my dream of being a writer, and it’s all because I stayed true to myself and followed my heart.
And that’s my message to you. If you’re struggling with something right now, I encourage you to first, pray and meditate on it. Then, listen to your gut. Your intuition is usually your soul speaking, reminding you of what you already know. If you’re struggling with a decision right now, listen to yourself. Make the best decision for YOU. Do what makes you happy. What’s yours is for you, even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone at the moment. You may not see how it’s going to work itself out, but with passion, dedication, and God by your side, you can’t lose!
Nicole says
Hello Sandrell
Thank you so much for your video on fibroids and spiritual spouses. I really can relate and identify with all that you explained and desperately need to break free. I would like to know about the prayers i have checked through your website as you mentioned they are on there but can’tseem to locate them. If you do have a direct link please could you share. Also I wanted to know Are fibroids a thing of the past for? IThank you and God bless
Sandrell Nicole says
Hi Nicole,
Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m working on an ebook for Spirit Spouses that people can download here for free! It’ll be full of prayers and information on Spirit Spouses for everyone, and it should be up within a week. I’ll notify you when it’s available. Blessings to you Lady.