This is my story. This is the reason this website–and all my other social media platforms, and the books that I write, and the courses that I’ve built exist. This is the story of how I became who I am today.
One Sunday in 2007, I was in church, thoroughly enjoying service.
I don’t remember what the sermon was about. I do remember being so greatly moved by the message that Sunday I got into the prayer line when the offer was extended by my then-pastor. As I stood in line, I was a little embarrassed and uncomfortable as I always was in the prayer line. Even though I had absolutely no clue what I was going to ask for when my turn came to speak to the pastor, I stayed put. For some reason, I just felt compelled to get something–whatever that was–off my chest that day.
Finally, it was my turn to speak with the pastor. When Pastor asked me what I needed, I opened my mouth, still not knowing what it was I wanted or needed, but the words that I spoke shocked both me and my pastor:
“I want… to be a blessing to as many people as possible,” I told him.
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, my first thought was, “Where the heck did that come from?” My pastor said once that God honors a genuine prayer. Well, He certainly honored mine, though, in typical Godly fashion, it was definitely not in the way I wanted Him to. In fact, my life took a turn for the worst before I started to see any evidence that my prayer was being answered.
Anxiety & Depression
I didn’t really know what to expect once that prayer of mine was out in the open. I was such a very different person back then. Even though I’d grown up in the church and loved it, I wasn’t exactly a model Christian. In fact, a couple of years after that day in church, I renounced Jesus as my savior, declaring that I only believed in “God” and adopted New-Ageism as my religion. I was a chronic pot-head, and I was battling with anxiety so extreme that it got to a point where I became paranoid. I was afraid to leave my home, and when I was out, I felt like everyone was watching my every move. When I was home, I preferred to be alone so that I could beat up on myself emotionally. I was so depressed. I actually carried wine with me almost everywhere I went just to loosen my inhibitions. I had no idea how, or if my prayer would be answered. To tell you the truth, as the years went by, I forgot all about that day in church and continued on with my carefree lifestyle. It wasn’t until years later that I remembered my prayer in church, and realized how that very day in church my life began to shape itself around that prayer.
My Personal Life & Natural Healing
As the next few months went by, I spent my days stressing over my living arrangements. I was living with my family and it was hard. I was grown and had to adhere to my parents’ rules, and yet I was also the only one in the entire household with a car, so we all had to share mine. My job was stressful and I hated it. I was working in the complaint department at a call center. I always felt that I should be doing something more meaningful with my life. My personal life was rock bottom. My then-boyfriend and I were always at odds, on-again, off-again. It was awful. I’d gotten kicked out of my apartment, everything I had to my name was taken from me by the owners of the building, which is how I wound up living with my parents. My roommate and then-friend (I thought he was my best friend) completely abandoned me during that time. In fact, all the people I called my friends, except for one woman, we somehow ended up going our separate ways. One of the bright spots of my life was my nightlife. My evenings consisted of being home as little as possible. I loved clubs and parties because it gave me an excuse to drink my wine and dance the night away with the few “friends” I had left. It was also around this time that I began to develop a curiosity for natural healing. My father taught me the importance of natural healing in my early teens, but it wasn’t until I became an adult that that seed began to take root.
Acne & Hormonal Imbalance
It was also around this time that my face began to break out—badly. Acne hit me suddenly and hard. I was no stranger to acne: I’d grown up with problematic skin, especially in my teens, but it calmed down a lot once I graduated from high school, and even disappeared completely when I was on Ortho Evra (a hormonal birth control patch) during my 2nd or 3rd year in college. But I’d been off the patch for about a year in a half at that point. I correctly contributed my problematic skin to the hormones from the patch wreaking havoc on my system, which caused my own hormones to go haywire.
It was also around this time, I had breast issues. There was some kind of growth on my “nippular” area of my right breast. Like an eyelid that’s turned inside out, the growth was similar. It was as if the tissue on the inside of the nipple was inverted. The area secreted fluid and often crusted over. And of course, it hurt. I ended up having the growth removed, but I never learned what it was nor what had caused it, though I always suspected the patch had something to do with it, too.
It was around this time I began to slow down my lifestyle a little bit and start to really dive head-first into natural healing. I’d always had a passion for holistic health, even at a very young age thanks to my father, but it wasn’t until that time in my life when I REALLY began to pursue it and educate myself on the things that ailed me, mostly my acne. This was around 2010. No home remedy I tried worked, no amount of eating healthy was making a dent in clearing my skin. This became really embarrassing for me because everyone who knew me began to know I was the “healthy girl.” The girl who ate flax seeds and bananas. The girl who brought huge jugs of water with questionable-looking things in them. The girl who didn’t use microwaves because she knew the food that came out of microwaves had no real nutritional value. The girl whose face was still full of pimples, acne scars, and dark spots despite all the healthy things she was doing.
The Turning Point
One desperate day after crying at my reflection in the mirror of my Mom’s bathroom, I walked out that bathroom as a woman on a mission. I promised myself that no matter what, I was going to find a real, natural cure for my face. God was good, because He led me to a legit acne program that really spoke to me. I ordered the program and followed the steps in the program, and it worked! After following just a few of the steps in the program, my face cleared up beautifully. My family, friends, and co-workers marveled at my skin, and I felt so good! This was exactly what I needed to feel good about myself again.
Inconsistent
Unfortunately, I wasn’t ready to let go of some of my bad lifestyle habits. I went back to eating however I wanted to eat, and the anxiety levels I was experiencing were at an all-time high. By 2012 I’d switched jobs to another call center, and I really, really hated it. I had no real direction in my life. Of course, I was broken out again, and this time, no amount of following my acne program helped get my skin clear. The shortcuts of the program were no longer working for me. The only thing that would help me now was to fully commit to a new healthy lifestyle, and I just wasn’t ready for that.
On top of dealing with my problematic skin, I kept having Candida flare-ups. Yeast infection, on top of yeast infection, it was pure hell.
Nursing School
I was super stressed. I knew I needed change. I was doing the best I could with my physical health, but I knew my spiritual and emotional health needed attention too. I was missing something big in my life. Hoping to fill that void, I turned to school. Nursing school, that is. I needed a purpose-driven career. I could not–would not continue to work in unfulfilling jobs that stressed me out so badly. I needed more. I needed to be needed. I not only needed to heal myself, but I knew I needed to help heal others. It was a calling I couldn’t deny.
As life would have it, after two years into the nursing program, I couldn’t take it anymore. My father, one of my biggest supporters and motivators, had died one month before I started nursing school. I was devastated. The anxiety and depression I was experiencing had reached epic levels, my skin looked worse than ever, I physically felt horrible ALL THE TIME, and I was just utterly miserable. The crazy thing is my even though my father passed away a few weeks before classes began, I was almost more miserable in nursing school than I was when he died! I felt like I was spiritually dying every day in school, and no one understood. Everyone kept telling me to keep going, that I could work natural healing and traditional medicine, which was a good idea in theory. So, I tried my hardest in school, but the more I tried, the more miserable I became. Something didn’t quite fit. I knew I was a helper and healer at heart, so why was I so broken? Why was I so physically sick? Why was my skin the worst it had ever been in my life, my emotions so all over the place, and why was I so unhappy with my life? It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
And why was my abdomen getting bigger and more abnormal-looking, and why was it hard and firm when I touched it?
That was the last straw. Once spring semester 2015, my second year in nursing school was over, I left. I accepted the fact that it wasn’t for me. At least not that time in my life. And I knew I made the right decision.
In order to help others heal, I had to first heal myself. So, I went to the doctor to see what was going on with me.
I was diagnosed with Bacterial Vaginosis, in October 2015, but that day I also discovered I had a much bigger issue than any of the others I’d encountered thus far.
Uterine Fibroids & Spirituality
Tumors in my uterus.
Suddenly, my health priority changed from addressing my skin, to addressing those fibroids. I knew once I addressed those, the acne would follow. Slowly, I began to work on my consistency with my eating habits, and learn to slow down, in ALL the ways. I learned just how much the anxiety, my stress levels were contributing to my already overwhelmed hormonal system.
I joined a fibroid healing group, and began to fast and pray. Once I began to fast, I began to dream–a LOT. I’ve never paid much attention to my dreams before, but this one particular dream where I saw myself in my old childhood home in my dreams during naps, and each and every single night, I knew God was trying to tell me something. By then, I’d gotten saved again. So, I researched “Biblical interpretation of being in your childhood home,” and I found this guy: Kevin LA Ewing. He was speaking about how important your dreams are, the weight they carry in the spiritual world, and the reason one dreams of their childhood home repeatedly is because there is a spirit or curse of backwardness upon their life.
I was blown away. Curse of backwardness. I began to read this guy’s blog, listen to his videos, read the books he recommended, and follow him on social media and the more I listened to him, the more I accepted his interpretation of my dreams. That certainly explained why my life had never really gone anywhere up until that point. I had all the potential in the world, and tried as I might, I couldn’t seem to make anything work in my career life. With that revelation, my spiritual life began to gain life. I began to educate myself on the spiritual world, dreams, covenants, generational and bloodline curses, the different kind of demons, and just how fascinating and how powerful the Bible really is and how it works. And the more I did this, the more my spiritual gifts were revealed to me. God speaks to me–all of us–in dreams. The more I grew spiritually, the more I began to become attacked spiritually. The more I stayed faithful with the Word of God, the stronger my spirit became in my dreams and when I was awake. And the more I began to heal physically. Now, presently, chronic anxiety and depression are things of the past, as is acne, terrifying dreams, and fear. Uterine Fibroids are the next things to go.
“I want… to be a blessing to as many people as possible.”
God indeed will honor a genuine prayer. I wasn’t until recently that I realized the prayer I prayed years ago was trying to manifest itself. How else can one explain my life becoming worse–much worse–after that prayer, before eventually getting better? I’ve weathered so many storms from anxiety, depression, hormonal issues like acne, breast issues, candida, life crisis, bacterial vaginosis, and now fibroids. I figured there HAD to be some purpose in it all. When I prayed to bless others, I was thinking along the lines of giving advice and consulting. I never imagined I’d have to go through so many health problems in order to be able to help others who would struggle with the same issues.
And that’s why this blog exists. This blog is for all you women who are struggling and need answers, or simply Someone. You may need help from someone who went through the things you or your loved ones are going through, and who are overcoming them. You may need a place to go where you can feel safe to ask some of your questions. Struggling to discover your true passion and purpose in life and pursue it. Struggling with your spirituality. For those of you who are struggling to find healing, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I’ve been through so much, but it was all for a purpose. God has brought me through so much, and He will 100% absolutely do the same for you.
Don’t quit. I didn’t quit, even though I desperately wanted to, lol. But, I’m never quitting. Even when people told me to quit, I never listened. Don’t you quit on yourself either. Everything you dream can become a very solid reality for yourself, whether that’s healing, or just plain peace of mind.
I’m so, so happy you’re here. We can walk this walk together, and seek out our abundance together.
So, let’s do this winning at life thing–together.